


anything

by moonsfics



Category: Bangtan, bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 00:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19262605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsfics/pseuds/moonsfics
Summary: tumblr anons requested from prompt list: “why do I even bother” & “you really need to leave” with Yoongi





	anything

It was expected, but not at all welcomed. Every time you would meet Yoongi after one of the biweekly work dinners, you’d have the same old argument. It was getting to the point where you’d find yourself mentally preparing, going through your list of comebacks to every one of his expected one-liners, spitted out with annoyance and jealousy. Because how on earth can’t you see that he hates knowing you have to spend so much time with your ex. You already have to see him at work, but then having to give up hours of every other Friday to be with him during a dinner was crossing the line. Never mind the fact that he is not your only co-worker, and those dinners are mandatory. It doesn’t matter how many times you point that out, however, because he always finds a a way to make you feel bad for following work rules. 

You sigh, the action vibrates against your chest in a shaky manner—it already aches in the dread of what’s to come. You’ve grown so tired of the fighting, constant and familiar. How are you supposed to be happy to see him on these nights when every other week you’re having the same old fight? 

Yoongi opens the door after a soft knock you make, he a gives you a small smile, one that still makes your heart flutter and skin warm, but it fades into the ache of knowing a happy Yoongi will soon morph into angry and hurt. He hates it, and so do you, but there isn’t anything you can do about these dinners and how often you have to see Namjoon. 

After you step inside, he leans down to peck your cheek and grip your arm softly. “Hi.” 

“Hey,” is all you say.

You walk over to the dining area in his studio apartment, right across from the small kitchen. The plates are set, he brought out some wine, and there’s a pot filled with ravioli, and a bowl with a green salad. His bed is made, and you can smell the fresh candle he must’ve lit this morning. 

You love how his place looks, always organized, well-litted, furnished with the modern taste to fit Yoongi’s style. Dark warm colors, with splashes of bright ones here and there to accent certain parts of the room—like the throw on his couch, the pillows on his bed, and the art on his wall. He hasn’t been living here long, little over four months, but he’s already managed to make it feel like a home designed for him and only him. It smells and feels like him. You hate when you have to fight here, because whenever you comeback, you find the room still with remnants of the negative energy, tainting everything good that has happened here. It’s hard to fight in the place that has become so special to you these past few months. You both have never been good with expressing deep feelings, which is why it took you a year to finally say “I love you” the day he moved in. 

Yoongi clears his throat, bringing you back to him and this moment. He pulls the chair out for you and you sit. He sits beside you. Neither of you is dressed up, he’s wearing dark jeans and that white shirt he wears often. His hair is styled however, parted halfway, and looks to be soft to the touch. You reach forward to touch it, brushing his forehead as you move the hair away from his eyes. “I love this hair on you,” you mutter.

“Thanks… I know.” He gives you a bigger smile and you smile back, feeling the warmth spread form your chest. 

He reaches into his jean pocket and pulls out a remote, he presses the buttons then soft music begins to play from his speakers. 

“I made this tonight, I hope that’s okay. I know you must’ve had pasta last night…” he says. His tone is soft, but you can see the way he tenses a bit and avoids eye contact when he brings up last night. 

You clear your throat before you reach for the salad and begin to fill your plates. “Actually, I didn’t eat much last night. I just had a salad. We had too much to go over to even focus on food.” You feel his eyes on you as you serve.

“Work is piling up?” 

You nod as you stab lightly at a piece of cucumber and lettuce. “One of the writers decided to add one last chapter, practically cried to us that we couldn’t publish without it. So now we have to move release dates, and push back printing, and it’s a whole mess. But we’re handling it well I think. At least there seems to be a solution as of now.” 

“Hmm,” Yoongi says, chewing away at his salad. “Which writer is it?” 

“Oh, you know him!” you suddenly point out excitedly, happy to know this conversation can go well. “It’s Brandon Sills, he wrote that fantasy series you liked? This book is for the spinoff.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah! I’ve been looking froward to it. Can’t wait to read the now infamous last chapter,” he says, amusement clear in his voice. The gummy smile is out and you find yourself chuckling lightly at his words. 

“It better be good or Namjoon is gonna kill him.” 

That was your mistake though—thinking you could casually bring him up without a fight from Yoongi. Silly of you to believe you could have a normal conversation about your job without Yoongi feeling like he wants to walk out and scream, or for you to feel like you have to tiptoe around Namjoon. 

His face falls and you look down at your plate, hastily shoving more salad in your mouth. 

“So Brandon is one of his writers?”

“Yep…”

“Why do I feel they give you most of Namjoon’s writers to edit?”

Your stomach churns, no longer hungry. You feel as if your food could come back up any second. 

His voice is low, steady, a little soft. But you hear the tension in it, the quiet storm brewing in his voice. It’s like his throat strains itself from going off about how you spend too much time with Namjoon. 

You shrug, almost shaking. “It’s not me, you know that,” you say quietly, placing your utensils next to your plate on the table, food forgotten. “They rotate me with different agents…” 

Yoongi chuckles, not playfully. There’s a menace to his laugh, a sort of condescending tone highlighting your naiveness. “Please, he’s clearly asking for you specifically.”

“I’m a good editor, Yoongi.”

He looks up, eyes hard and stare dark. “I’m not saying that. I know you’re a great editor. I have read every single book you have touched, and they’re flawless. Every advice you’ve shared with me that you’ve given writers has given them the success they have. I don’t doubt your abilities, and you know that.” 

You sigh, pushing your plate away. “You always make it sound like I’m some kind of pawn to Namjoon’s games… like I don’t have a say or control over my career whatsoever. These writers are people I want to work with, I can’t just say no. It’s a mutual excitement to want to work together. Namjoon knows I get along with these writers and knows they only trust me.” The fire is growing in your chest, the churning now fueling the anger that sits dormant in your skin, waiting for the moment Yoongi snaps and starts throwing things at you—things that don’t even matter in the grand scheme of things. 

When looking at the big picture, Namjoon and your career in relation to him don’t matter, because you want to be with Yoongi. But you’re tired of feeling like he can’t see that. 

Yoongi rolls his eyes, then drops his utensils on the plate in front of him. “He uses your love for the craft to get you to work by his side. You’re telling me he doesn’t enjoy it? He’s in love with you! Has been even after you broke up, he continued to pester you to get back together!” 

“It doesn’t matter what he feels, Yoongi! I’m in love with you! I have no desire whatsoever to be with some cheating scum who didn’t seem to love me when we were together. He broke my heart Yoongi, and you know that! How can you possibly be jealous or self-conscious when it comes to him?”

He flinches at that, then he stands, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m not!” he says, frustration dripping from his shaky voice. “I know you love me, I do,” his voice cracks when he makes eye contact with you, and something snaps in your chest. Like a barrier separating your anger and frustration from the love you have for him breaks, and it starts to mix. It has you confused. How are you supposed to feel now? 

“I-I just…” he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “I hate that he has these feelings for you, and that he gets to spend so much time with you. It’s not fair and I hate it.” 

“I told you, you don’t have to be so jealous of him-“ you begin as you stand, but he only retreats, turning towards his bed and looking out the ceiling to floor window. 

“I had to watch you date him. I had to watch the way you looked at him…” he’s almost whispering, voice soft. It aches to hear him hurt. You’ve heard versions of this a couple of times. Every time, it twists your heartstrings. 

You’ve known Yoongi for five years. Met in college. He was also part of the liberal arts program and you easily befriended him, Namjoon, Taehyung, Sasha, and Beatrice. That became your group, the clique that would be a art of your life forever. Slowly the group became bigger, but these five people had been with you the longest. Yoongi had to watch you fall in love with Namjoon, his own feelings for you brewing. He’d watched you date him. And he watched him break your heart, time and time again. 

“Why do I even bother,” you say shakily. It doesn’t matter how much love you show him, Yoongi is always going to feel hurt by knowing you work with the guy he had to watch you love.

He doesn’t understand that your love for him goes deeper than any love you have ever felt before. You would do anything for him.  _Anything_. 

He finally turns, eyes glassy and bottom lip trapped between his teeth. “You think I like feeling this way? I hate it. I hate the fact that I have to be so hung up on this nonsense, but i can’t help but dwell on it. I’m at work, supposed to be working on designs every other Friday night, and my stomach is in knots knowing he gets to have more time with you! It’s like… I finally get to be with you, after all the waiting, and after watching the way he treated you, wanting to choke him all those years, and wishing that I could show you how you deserve to be loved, and yet… he still gets to see you…” 

God, it hurts so much. The pained look on his face, the possessiveness, it all hurts. Makes your stomach protest in agony because you don’t want him to feel this way. You take a shaky breath and shut your eyes, fighting the wetness.   
Yoongi isn’t often possessive, but when it comes to Namjoon, all his insecurities come to the surface after bubbling for so many years. You know this is partially your fault, and you don’t know how to fix it, how to make it better. You want to make him feel good, make him feel loved and confident, but after all these fights you have tried it all. You’ve tried talking him down, you’ve tried using your pent up anger to have sex and cool each other down, but none of that ends prettily as the argument seems to seep back into whatever you may be doing the following day. 

There’s only one solution but just the through of it makes you afraid. 

You shake your head, then step towards him, reaching for him. He lets you wrap your arms around him, his arms pulling you agains his chest as they wrap around your shoulders. He rests his head on top of yours. 

“I hate this…”

“I know,” he says. You feel his lips press to the side of your head. 

“What do we do?” 

He’s quiet for a while. He just holds you, his palms eventually move up and down your back, soothing the pain that seeps from his skin into yours, penetrating through your heart to seek some sort of relief. He knows, Yoongi knows you have the answer but are too afraid. 

“I think you should go,” he finally says, and it hurts. Although his warmth is enveloping you, his words stab at you like tiny needles in your heart. His words contradict his touch however, because he holds you tighter to his frame. His palms burn your skin, as a reminder of how he can make you feel if you were in any other moment. “I think you really need to go,” he adds in a small whisper, voice shaky. There’s a desperation in his words that causes a small whimper to escape you, almost inaudible against his chest.

You just want to smell him, the sandalwood and mint. Feel him. But he’s right. You have to, before he says the words he’s been trying his hardest not to say for the last six months, maybe the last year and a half. 

Finally you pull away. You look up to find his furrowed brows, lips swollen. You nod. He reaches forward to press a slow but tender kiss on your forehead. “Call me.” He mumbles against your skin. 

Then you walk out, in a trance. Not realizing you forgot to say that you love him, but he knows. You know he knows. You still wish you had reminded him, because you do, you love him so much. And its time you both put the past behind you and move on, together. 

When you get home, you make the call, replying to the myriad of emails and missed calls you had from the publishing company trying to get you to switch. Then, you made the terrifying call to your boss. Although fear began to fill through your veins and skin, you know this is what you have to do. What you should have done last year. 

It’s 2 am when your brain is done thinking and finally you shoot a text to Yoongi. 

**You** :  
— I took the offer at Kim Books. 

**Yoongi** :   
— But you don’t know anyone there… you’ll have to start over?

**You** :  
— I know,.. but it’s what I should’ve done a long time ago. 

**Yoongi** :   
—baby, I’m sorry. 

**You** :   
— Please don’t be. I love you. 

**Yoongi** :   
— Fuck. I love you too. 

**You** :   
—please don’t cry, cause when you cry I cry 

**Yoongi** ;   
— I’m not… okay maybe I am… I’m coming over

**You** :   
— Its late  
— Don’t   
— Especially if you’ve been crying 

**Yoongi** :   
— I’ll take an Uber,   
— I love you.  

**Author's Note:**

> just a reminder that you can find me on tumblr and twitter under the user mikrokosmosgf


End file.
